Answers That Satisfy

For the first time, I will be writing about my belief. Some of you may find it strange for me to write something that might not fit this blog. However, this is one way I can truly express my thoughts without me getting swamped by inputs that makes me lose my trail of thought...if I ever had a trail to begin with. Before you continue reading this, I just want to ask that you take this with an open mind. These are my humble thoughts on matters of faith, obedience, and religion.
A few years back, I took a class in our church about righteousness. The lessons I learned there shook me to my core. However, the ideas were not actually new to me, but it was in this class that I found and realized the gravity of those things. My grandfather always told me, that it is only be faith in Jesus that we are saved. No amount of obedience to the law will save one from the death sentence of sin. Knowing these things and actually living them are two very different things. it was in that church class that I realized that I was living differently from what I knew. I always thought that being righteous was about doing right. I couldn't be more wrong. It is Jesus that gives us righteousness by His grace through our faith. Since I have faith in Jesus, I can safely say that I am saved. Now what? Does it stop there? Afterall, I am saved. there is nothing now that can separate me from the love of God. there is nothing I can do now that will change my status as His son, right? In my conversations with my grandfather, he often asked me, now that you are saved, do you stop there? Then he would quote the bible where Jesus said, "Go thou and sin no more." To me this meant, "Now that I am saved, I can now obey the will of God....His commandments." Was I correct to think that? Or did I interpret it out of context?
I remember a pastor say, "You can do righteous acts because you are already righteous." In other words, because Jesus saved me and gave me His righteousness, I can now do right. What is the basis of right or wrong anyway? Why is it even important for a Christian to do what is right? Can someone truly believe that I have faith in Jesus when I am totally doing what is plainly wrong?
Herein lies the struggle in my mind. My mind could not accept that obedience is not important to the life of a Christian. or that the Holy law of God is no longer important. To one who believes, I think the Law of God has become more that just a duty, it has become a delight. No longer a burden to obey, but is now a response of love. A good friend of mine said, "Our obedience to the law is a response of thanksgiving to Jesus because he saved us." I couldn't agree more. Jesus said, "if you love me, keep my commandments."
I asked the question, "does you behavior indicate you allegiance?" the answer I got was, "no." The explanation was, that your allegiance came first before you obeyed. that didn't really satisfy me because I knew that allegiance came first before obedience...and that led me to the question, "does behavior then indicate my allegiance?" or did I just interpret it out of context again? did my friend mean to say, "your allegiance should indicate how you behave."?
sometimes I think I am the village idiot. well, the only thing is, the village idiot doesn't know he is an idiot. sad thing for me is I think I am the idiot for not getting a grasp on something that was supposedly simple - I have faith in Jesus, He saved me, now I follow Him. simple, right?
Now I am thinking, "did I focus too much on the words of one man, that I now question my own convictions?" My friends were fortunate to get a response that was what they were looking for when confronting our teacher back then in that class. I somewhat got a different response. I guess that is what led me to question my own faith. whether or not faith should go with obedience. can one truly exist without the other in the life of a true follower of Christ?
I once tried to inquire, "suppose a man profess he has faith in Jesus yet does not obey his commandmants, what do you think of that?" I got a very unexpected response this I guess I will not share in this post. All I can say is, the response confused me even more. I am hoping that I just misinterpreted the response....or got it out of context again. thinking of it now, I guess my question was rather unfair. it would make the person, who tries to answer, a judge. and we all know, we have no right to judge. Only God can judge us. since I got a very confusing response, I asked another question. "suppose someone professes to have faith in Jesus, but he also professes to have faith in other gods, what then?" this time I around, there was no response. save for a nod of the head to the side. just like saying, "ok. I won't answer that." at that point, I was beyond confused..I was depressed. no longer an idiot, but an imbecile. this however has not deterred me from seeking the bible for answers. I hope i find the answers soon....answers that satisfy.
to those who will read this, if you have answers, I want to know. if you have something to share to relieve my confusion, I want to know about it.