In my search for answers to my questions on faith, i have attempted to read book by an inspired author. I have found evidence that indeed the law is an integral part of a life of a Christian. Recently i have also found what was wrong with me. Indeed it was something very trivial and petty. I just needed to hear from a certain person that indeed we were on the same page regarding faith and obedience. It was all I needed to settle myself.
Still in our daily bible readings at home, there are things that still elude me. Sometimes I ask questions that causes heated discussions. I want to ask the questions that others dare not ask. Or at least I think that way. Being critical about something is not necessarily bad, but being a critic to just arouse other peoples anger is really something bad. Sometimes I wonder if i have become like that. I guess it comes from the idea that humans cannot be trusted. Yeah! Trust issues with humans in general. I can't help but think sometimes that the world would be better without humans. Then again, I am human so that would also mean the world would be better off without me. I also can't help but think that if I continue thinking like this, a trap might be waiting for me along the way. God forbid I fall into that trap and can't get out anymore.
My struggle now is dependence on God. How to depend on God for everything and anything. I read that it entails surrender, but i find it hard to visualize a surrender of mind and heart...of body and soul. How exactly do you do that? To be one with God and not just be obedient and faithful. There are times that i think i know how, but there are more times that I'm not sure how or why. Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost faith. Its just that i think my life has come to a stagnation and my struggle is how to move up.
I guess the title of this post should be, "Never Satisfied". However, I would like to believe that someday I will be satisfied.
